How to deal with a wealthy father who has never financially supported you?
February 252010
My parents divocred when I was 4 years old. My father left my mother for another woman and when my mom left our home, he sold it and bought a new home for him and his wife. My father tricked my mother into signing the home over to him and he never gave her anything from the sale. We had to move in with family because my mom had never worked and she got a job as a sale clerk. Long story short, my father was able to become very wealthy and travel the world. But my father barely sent my mother anything support and stopped paying when I was 13. My father would visit once or twice a year but we were never able to have a bonding relationship because he always lived in another state. I’m not a grown adult who put myself through college and have a lovely family. But for some reason I am unable to let go off the resentment I feel for the way I lived as a child while my father was living the life of luxury. My father is very wealthy today but has never offered any financial help or assistance. I have to get over this once and for all.
This is a very sad story and i cant imagine the pain you must feel especially now that you have your own family and realize how great children are. I dont think you will ever get rid of the sadness you feel for what you missed out on. Your father was a very selfish person and he did alot of damage to your soul. You will never forget what he did but you can forgive and move on and just live your life to the best of your ability. Just think of it as making you a stronger person in the long run and appreciating your own family. Your father undoubtedly loves you in his own warp way but he is just a selfish person and im sure he’s not completely happy with himself even though he is very wealthy. Money is great and all but it cant buy you happiness. I must say though that you have to accept the fact that your father may never come around and may never offer any financial assistance or leave you any kind of inheritance. Its okay to grieve but you have to accept that it is what it is and he will never change.
I have a father that i used to hold alot of resentment for. Although my situation is totally different from yours, my father was with us but never around b/c he worked 7 days a week and when he was home, he was very uptight and not very affectionate with us. I still have memories of the emotional abuse as a teenager and i had alot of feelings of anger and resentment for years. Im 41 years old now and i finally let go of the hate and anger b/c i had a baby and my father has really done alot for my child now. We were all surprised. He really loves my little baby. He was a horrible grandfather to my son and his other grandson, just not very affectionate and emotionally distant. But with my baby, he has changed. So you never know.
It is what it is. Please get some counselling or read some self help books to just move on with your life and learn how to accept the fact that your father willnever probably change. Be grateful that your mother and your grandparents were by your side and that this is your family. Live and learn from what your father did . I feel your pain.
February 26th, 2010 at 12:41 am
You can try some counseling. I would suggest though, that you consider the source of your information too. If all info came from your mom, it could not be exactly accurate (or true).
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February 26th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Consult with an attorney. The initial consultation may be free or it may cost you a bit of money but it will be worth it to put this situation into focus and to see if its something you want to pursue.
If you don’t get the answer you want some therapy may help in clearing up your head of the deep resentment.
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Life.
February 26th, 2010 at 1:48 am
Yea, you have to get over this. Why waste your time and energy feeling bad about it. Even worse – why give him the pleasure of you feeling bad. He doesnt care, nor should you. Money does not bring happiness. The tough life you had made you who you are. Be happy, and dont forget to thank your mum
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February 26th, 2010 at 2:03 am
Is your father’s money really the issue or is it you feel he never loved you and that’s why he never helped financially? Either way, talk to your father and flat out ask him why?
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February 26th, 2010 at 2:51 am
Just let it go and move on with your life, don’t carry that extra baggage the rest of your life, it will drag you down, you can’t change the past, but you can change the way you deal with it. Good Luck!
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February 26th, 2010 at 3:32 am
So instead of working to become wealthy yourself, you sit and whine about your dad won’t just hand over money that HE has worked for.
Maybe he just sees a lazy kid. I know I do.
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February 26th, 2010 at 3:57 am
My dad was the same way and all it did was teach me how to be good with money and be succesful in business. I feel i owe him for this as this what has made me what i am today . It’s all how you look at things and if want you can find the good in it or the bad . You can’t change the past but you sure can change the future. Good luck
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life
February 26th, 2010 at 4:16 am
I don’t know if this is something you can just get over. I think you have to just put it in it’s place and move on. My grandmother’s step-father treated her in all ways like his own until he died and the will was read, leaving her out. He had been very wealthy and her father had died when she was under 4. She never knew any other father. She was hurt by this her whole life.
I think in your case, you need to write this off as his loss, because he didn’t get to enjoy his child.
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February 26th, 2010 at 4:30 am
This is a very sad story and i cant imagine the pain you must feel especially now that you have your own family and realize how great children are. I dont think you will ever get rid of the sadness you feel for what you missed out on. Your father was a very selfish person and he did alot of damage to your soul. You will never forget what he did but you can forgive and move on and just live your life to the best of your ability. Just think of it as making you a stronger person in the long run and appreciating your own family. Your father undoubtedly loves you in his own warp way but he is just a selfish person and im sure he’s not completely happy with himself even though he is very wealthy. Money is great and all but it cant buy you happiness. I must say though that you have to accept the fact that your father may never come around and may never offer any financial assistance or leave you any kind of inheritance. Its okay to grieve but you have to accept that it is what it is and he will never change.
I have a father that i used to hold alot of resentment for. Although my situation is totally different from yours, my father was with us but never around b/c he worked 7 days a week and when he was home, he was very uptight and not very affectionate with us. I still have memories of the emotional abuse as a teenager and i had alot of feelings of anger and resentment for years. Im 41 years old now and i finally let go of the hate and anger b/c i had a baby and my father has really done alot for my child now. We were all surprised. He really loves my little baby. He was a horrible grandfather to my son and his other grandson, just not very affectionate and emotionally distant. But with my baby, he has changed. So you never know.
It is what it is. Please get some counselling or read some self help books to just move on with your life and learn how to accept the fact that your father willnever probably change. Be grateful that your mother and your grandparents were by your side and that this is your family. Live and learn from what your father did . I feel your pain.
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February 26th, 2010 at 5:02 am
I think we all carry around past hurts and emotional baggage; it is part of life…and life is not fair.
In your case, I’d ask you to consider going to professional therapy or counseling. You sound like a nice, intelligent and mature woman; so don’t let your past hurt your present life. Deal with your fears, anger and resentment ASAP. You will feel much better, and you will also be a better person, mom and wife when you let go of things that still hurt you.
You cannot change the past; and what he did is done already. The question is…What do you want now? To feel better? Consider what options you have so you can reach this goal. Therapy is one; going to church is another one. You could also think about writing him a long letter and sending it to him, so he can read it over and over again.
Ask God to heal you and guide you.
Good luck. Be grateful for your mom’s love and help.
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February 26th, 2010 at 5:16 am
my father was never there for me. was in prison for doing something stupid. and now i have a lovely family as well and i had to forgive him for not being there. but i let that fuel my fire by always being there for my kids and giving them what i never had. the extra love and attention. quality time doing things with them. i let my fathers absentee in my life help me to never let my kids go without knowing how much i love them every second/hour of the day. so i say he did u a favor by not being there in ur life. do the opposite of what he did and be there always for your kids/husband. hope this helps
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my mother had to struggle with 3 kids moving from place to place and with family. not enough money to survive. i asked her was she angry with our father and she said no b/c it made her stronger. so i decided if she was not angry it was no need for me to be.
February 26th, 2010 at 5:24 am
Your complaint is about material things but I think what hurts is that he didn’t give you the love and attention you wanted. Girls form their ideas of what men are like by observing their fathers. If that bond is never established it leaves an empty feeling in the daughter that will last forever sometimes. Go see a therapist and get this straightened out in your mind. You don’t need your father’s lack of concern to haunt you for the rest of your life.
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February 26th, 2010 at 5:36 am
I don’t really know how you would deal with it, I guess it’s up to you and what type of relationship you want or have with him. I haven’t had much support from my father, he and my mother parted before I was born but then got back together long enough to conceive another baby, she was adopted out when I was nearly 3 years old.
My father paid the minimum child support, he is like your father and traveled also.
My mother and me lived with with my grandparents, we lived there for free and in return my mum did all the housework and cleaning and general running around.
I grew up felling very special with my extended family around me. I felt very loved mostly by my mother and grandmother, I came up with the idea that I had two mums instead of a dad and began calling my Nana mum as well as my mum.
I met up with my father very rarely in fact I could count on my fingers how many times I saw him as a kid. No christmas gifts or birthday gifts from him.
The result of this is that while he has tried to make an effort with me, I will never feel like he is my father, he rings me often (like every month or two) but even so I still feel ? I can’t even say how I feel around him cause I don’t even know. I do know it’s weird that’s for sure.
He gives me cash injections every once in a while, which is great, he doesn’t buy gifts for my children so maybe that’s why he does the cash thing and he has only started this like two years ago.
We will never have a ‘proper father and daughter relationship’ but we can talk, I guess that’s always a start.
I don’t have any resentment towards him regarding his wealth, I don’t really think about that at all, I spose it’s cause he hasn’t been in my life and equates to not really missing or caring about what you didn’t have.
People like our fathers are selfish? I guess, however they are the ones who have missed out in the long run, money can’t buy love, and after all money isn’t everything, try to think of this in a different way, turn it around think of him as the loser, and don’t worry about the money, think of your happiness which is way more important, don’t let what he did to you upset your life. Good luck.
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